Critical Conversations: Congregations Responding to Youth & Crises

A Primer Prepared by Rev. Aaron Payson
and the UU Trauma Ministry Team

Introduction

For the purpose of this primer, a “critical conversation” is an intervention strategy based on the principles of critical incident stress management in a congregational religious education setting. Critical conversations are a means to help youth and young adults address abnormal issues and circumstances that have the capacity to overwhelm their normal emotional defenses.

The primary goal of such conversations is to normalize the range of responses to incidents that have the potential to overwhelm a child’s or youth’s normal emotional coping mechanisms and to communicate that, most often, under such circumstances, one is having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.

Below is a model for the flow of a dialogue that, it is hoped, will help professional and lay religious leaders and parents talk with youth and young adults about their responses to very difficult events and circumstances.

Setting Up the Conversation

If the children/youth who are the focus of this conversation have been directly involved/affected (i.e. the critical incident happened at church, or one of their peers was hurt/killed, etc., DO NOT attempt a critical conversation on your own. Contact your local crisis response agency or UU Trauma Ministry to arrange for assistance from those who are specially trained.

PURPOSES

The purposes of a Critical Conversation

Sort out events leading to and during a critical incident

Create a shared narrative of the event against which to understand one’s own experience

Open communication with others about the incident

Increase the sense of personal control regarding the incident and subsequent events

Put personal reactions in perspective

Learn stress management strategies and teach healthy coping skills

Salvage group cohesiveness from the disintegrating effects of a crisis

Allow and reinforce interpersonal discussion/personal experience

Reinforce concept of “normal reaction to abnormal situation”

Facilitate group/social support

GENERAL OUTLINE

The following elements of a critical conversation are provided to help ensure the most constructive outcome, which is to increase a youth/young adult’s coping capacity and ability to function in a difficult environment.

Pre-Conversation Preparation: Find a quiet space that is not easily disrupted; have a minimum of two adults available for the session; consult professional religious leadership; inform parents that conversation is going to take place and show them the contents of the conversation if necessary; have tissues available, and perhaps something to drink as well.

Introduce the conversation a. Purpose: to provide a safe place to talk about reactions to X

b. Process: a series of questions will help to guide our discussion, but ultimately we are here simply to listen to each other and hopefully to place our own reactions into perspective and learn ways to continue to cope.

c. Guidelines: Confidentiality – this means that we walk away from here sharing our own experiences and not each other’s. (Remember that confidentiality does not include disclosures of sexual or physical abuse – which need to be reported to the appropriate entities within one’s congregation). Active Listening – seek first to understand and then to be understood. Tend Personal Boundaries – participate as you are comfortable, and pass if you don’t want to say anything.

d. Procedures & Prompts – set out group expectations – if you are going to leave the room, expect someone to follow you out to check on you; silence is OK. – sometimes we need a moment to think.

Exploring the Facts*

a. What do each of you know about what happened? Any personal experiences? Where were you when you heard? What did you hear first? b. Dispel rumors – advisors/educators research the incident prior to the conversation and try to head off false information.

c. Establish a shared construction of the sequence of the incident against which individual experiences can be anchored.

Exploring Thoughts**

a. The purpose here is to begin the process of interpretation. Remember to differentiate thoughts and evaluations from emotions.

b. What do you remember thinking at the time this started? What are you thinking now? What thoughts have you heard from others? What are you thinking about this now?

Exploring Reactions**

a. The purpose is to discuss reactions over time and to receive support and affirmation for the normality of one’s response, no matter how difficult.

b. How did you react first? How are you reacting now? What has been the worst part of this for you? What do you remember most? If there is anything you could change, what would it be?

Exploring Symptoms**

a. How do you know that this incident (bothered) or is still bothering you?

b. Remember possible reactions: problems sleeping, concentrating, feeling on edge, arguing, crying, feeling numb, etc.

Teaching

a. What to do about what is bothering you?

b. Normalize reactions.

c. Remember, we don’t “get over” this; we learn to live with it, and it gets less intense over time.

d. Go over stress response coping mechanisms: constructive eating habits, not relying on drug use, increasing exercise, safety protocol (especially in the midst of ongoing violence).

e. List resources available for continuing conversation (pastor, staff, family, counselors, etc.)

Exploring What Is Coming Next

a. What do you need to do right now?

* educators should research the incident as it has been portrayed in the media and get the most up-to-date and accurate information as possible.
**for younger children (ages 6-12) sections 4, 5 and 6 are collapsed into a single “reactions” stage of the conversation.

FOLLOW-UP

Once the formal conversation is over, make any personal contacts with youth/young adults who seem most vulnerable or whose reactions seem to indicate that some follow-up might be necessary. Give them resources (such as the minister or counselors, etc.), and talk to parents if appropriate (for older youth, do this with their knowledge). Contact the Professional Religious Leadership to make appropriate follow-up if necessary. If you encounter the possibility of dangerous behavior (to self or others) make contact with appropriate leadership immediately, including parents.

RESOURCES AVAILABLE

The International Critical Incident Stress Foundation (www.icisf.org) has a variety of courses and materials for those interested in learning more about crisis intervention. In particular, ICISF has developed a course for dealing with crisis intervention in a school setting.

The National Organization of Victim Assistance also provides training in community crisis response.

Books:
School Crisis Response: A CISM Perspective by Ken Johnson, et al. (www.icisf.org)
School Crisis Management by Kendall Johnson, Ph.D. (Publishers Group West, 800/788-3128)